Failed adoptions. Countries closing their doors. Agency corruption. Those possibilities screamed at me when we were first starting this process. They still like to rear their ugly little heads sometimes. I read stories about them and even listened to firsthand experiences. International adoption isn’t necessarily known as the safest, most predictable route to starting a family. In fact, it tends to be known as the opposite. And for good reason. In her book, “30 Days of Hope for Adoptive Parents”, Jennifer Phillips writes, “One of the most painful risks of adoption is the loss of a child who was never fully yours.” I couldn’t agree more. We’ve already experienced losing a baby. Could we really handle this loss if it were to happen? Knowing he was still out there but we could never hold him? Never claim him as our own? It’s painful to even type that.
Yes, in human terms, international adoption is a risk. To me, it’s like watching a government official whom you’ve never met, walk across a tight rope over a huge canyon while holding your heart outstretched in front of them. (Don’t worry, in my vision they have a safety net so if they fall and drop your heart, the government official will definitely survive and be just fine.) Your child is on the other side. Your heart might not make it. You’re watching, completely helpless. Oh, and it is also the widest canyon in the history of canyons so the walk across could possibly take forever. The tight rope is a used tight rope; it’s not brand new. It could snap. Are you getting the picture?
…But that is in human terms. That’s in my anxiety-ridden, worry-filled mind. That’s not the whole picture. That’s not the real picture.
I’ll never forget when Matt was deployed and had just been sent to what the news dubbed “the most dangerous place in Afghanistan.” I spilled all my worries and fears to my wisdom-filled mom, to which she replied, “God doesn’t have a ‘most dangerous place.’ It’s all the same to Him, whether Matt is in what the world calls the ‘most dangerous’ place or if he is in a hammock on the beach.” Her point? God’s plan would happen no matter where Matt was. What we define as “most dangerous” or “risky” is all the same to our Almighty Father. He’s in control no matter what. He is sovereign. If He wants us to be Kai’s forever family, we will be. If He doesn’t, then yes, He will close that door, and it will be extremely painful.
So do I trust Him with my heart? That His plan is perfect and good, no matter what? That this “risk’ is worth taking? Oh, I wish I would trust every minute of every day! But I must be constantly reminded. He gently whispered “Yes” over and over when we first started this process. I have to keep trusting that “Yes”, even when other voices try and drown it out.
“If life is merely a series of efforts to avoid messiness- to avoid heartache, unease, and suffering- it is a sad, hollow life indeed.” -Jennifer Phillips
This book is awesome. Buy it.
http://www.jenniferphillipsblog.com/books/30-days-of-hope-for-adoptive-parents
Nine Thousand Miles 