Adoption Fees and the Faces Behind Them

Do you know the number one reason why people don’t adopt? THE COST. Every adoption is different, but most (besides foster care) have a hefty number that separates you from your child. Now, there are various reasons for why this is and there are many opinions surrounding this topic that I’m not going to dive into in this specific post. But many people have asked why our specific adoptions are so “expensive” and I wanted to explain each and every fee that we have to pay in order to bring our children home and how it ends up equaling around $50,000. We understand that if we are going to continue fundraising that people need to understand where this money is going! I also want people to understand that there are very real children waiting on the other side of all of these fees, all of this paperwork, all of this fundraising. But let’s dive into the fee breakdown first, shall we?!

• Application Fee: $350. This fee covers the review of our application to confirm eligibility for the Thailand program.
• Processing Fee #1: $1,950. This fee covers Holt’s (our placing agency) cost to facilitate our adoptions with U.S. and Thai government officials.
• IAAME Fee: $1,000. This fee is to the Department of State; responsible for monitoring all international adoption activity.
• Home Study Fee: $3,450. This fee pays for our home study as well as our post-placement reports required by Thailand after we arrive home with the kids.
• Psychologist Evaluation: $200. This fee covers someone writing on letterhead that we are sane enough to be parents.
• Processing Fee #2: $3,000. This fee also covers Holt’s cost to facilitate our adoptions and also covers registration and translation costs related to submitting our dossier.
• Adoption Program Fee for TWO children: $26,720. This is the big one, y’all! It is what we are mainly fundraising for! It covers all costs related to Tee and Prinna’s adoption process in Thailand. This includes but is not limited to:
  • The care of Tee and Prinna prior to adoption (food, clothing, medical care, foster care and any other services provided directly to them). Tee requires a significant amount of medical care and we also know that they are in a wonderful and loving foster home, so we very much understand this aspect of this fee and we are extremely thankful for the care our kiddos are receiving.
  • Their Thai passports, visas, and medical exams.
  • Costs associated with obtaining child updates (the social workers typically have a lot of traveling each time they visit our kids).
  • Costs for personnel, administrative overhead, training and education both in the U.S. and Thailand. These social workers are awesome and we can tell they have been very well-trained.
  • Legal adoption services (all the work with government agencies).
  • Child welfare projects in Thailand. We have been there, seen it, and know they  do some great work. The Holt Sahathai Foundation is AMAZING.
• Immigration Fees: $1,245. These fees basically cover the U.S. giving us “permission” to adopt these kids.
• Children’s Visa Fees: $650. Tee and Prinna’s U.S. visas.
• Travel Fees: $12,000. This can greatly vary depending on when we travel, but this is our best estimate based on our trip to bring Kai home. Kai will probably be coming back with us, so a two-three week trip to Thailand for a family of five is definitely not cheap.
• Finalization Fees: $1500 (or more). Because the adoptions are not finalized in Thailand, we have to hire an attorney to finalize them here in the U.S.
• Certificates of Citizenship: $2,340. Our children become citizens once their adoptions are finalized, but this fee covers the piece of paper that proves it.

Total: $54,415

(What we still owe as of 10/19/19: $39,800)

Is your head spinning yet?! Mine is. Numbers are scary. Every time we look at these fees we have to look with some major eyes of faith or it can be completely overwhelming!

While some of these fees may not make sense to us, or while some of them may just be plain unreasonable, it is what it is. We can’t change the numbers, but we can change the lives of the kids who are waiting behind them. Because that’s what it’s all about: the kids who are waiting. They aren’t the numbers, they aren’t a number, they aren’t a statistic, and they aren’t a cute picture on a waiting list.

They are real. 

They have experienced real trauma. They have real medical conditions. They have real feelings, real personalities; real wants and needs. They have real brokenness and real joy. They are beautifully made by a real Creator who knows every real hair on their head and who has held every very real tear they have cried.

And two of them are ours.

We can provide for them once we get them home, but we do need help in bringing them home. So we will keep saving, we will keep applying for grants like it’s our full-time job, and we will keep planning fundraisers and make ourselves annoyingly post and share while praying for others to join us in knocking these numbers out of the way all the way to Thailand and back.

When You Say “One” and God Says “TWO”

It all started with curiosity. We were close to sending our dossier in (just like it was with Kai’s story) and gearing up for a long wait. We weren’t projected to even be matched with a child until Fall of 2020. Although I think we knew deep down that it would be before then, because our hearts were with the children on the waiting child list. Kai would’ve gone on that list if we hadn’t said “yes,” and that’s always had a big impact on us both. You see, children on that list tend to be older, or in a sibling group, or have some kind of special needs that range in severity. They are harder to match with families and so they typically wait much longer. The Thailand waiting child list started growing very quickly due to a special needs project our agency was doing. So, I kept checking. Even though we knew we couldn’t be matched because Kai’s was not yet finalized. Plus, we just didn’t think we were ready.

An email referral came in. (Kai had been in an email referral.) There was a picture of a boy (7) and his sister (2) and a short little paragraph about them. I honestly didn’t think too much about it, although I was pretty mesmerized by their picture. If no waiting family responded back about them, they would go on the waiting child list. And they did. Almost every time I checked the list during the following months I would scroll down to their picture and read that paragraph over again. I’d show and tell Matt. But knew it just couldn’t happen. We still couldn’t be matched because Kai’s finalization was taking forever, there’s no way we could bring two home, or an older child, or break birth order. Why did I keep looking at them?

Finally, I did it. I requested their file and the file of another four year old boy. I figured this way I would know for sure instead of just wondering. Matt couldn’t believe I had actually requested the “siblings” file. Until he read it. We were both so drawn to them. Why not the other little boy? Our home study said one child who would be younger than Kai. That made much more sense! But God’s direction doesn’t have to make sense. And if our vision doesn’t match His, then that vision doesn’t matter. So we went back and forth. For weeks. Praying, processing, and discussing. It was a beautiful type of agony that is hard to describe. The agony of making a huge, hard decision that would forever change your life; and the beauty of God gently guiding you towards His wise and loving plan. Towards your children.

We said yes. It was a shaky yes; but a love-filled yes. It was simultaneously full of fear and faith. Fear of whether or not we would be good parents to an older child who spent years in an orphanage with a severe medical need. Fear of bringing home two at once. Fear of finances (the fees double) and fundraising. Fear of breaking birth order. Fear of what it would do to Kai. Fear of losing more freedom. But, faith. A conscious choice to choose faith over those fears. A simple faith that God would provide, be with us, and give grace as He always has. Faith that His plans are literally bigger and ultimately better. Faith that there is a reason why the Bible says not to trust in your emotions. Faith that what we deem as logic doesn’t always go hand-in-hand with God’s will. Faith that these are our children and therefore nothing else really matters. And God-willing, we will pursue them nine thousand miles and back again.

“Do not fear, for I am with you; I will bring your descendants from the east, and gather you from the west. Bring My sons from far away, and My daughters from the ends of the earth- everyone called by My name and created for My glory.”

Isaiah 43

 

When Mother’s Day Hurts

I’m convinced that Mother’s Day might be one of the most painful days there is.

Don’t get me wrong. I love celebrating my amazing mom, and I love celebrating the wonder of the fact that I have a perfect four year old little boy with the most beautiful dark skin and a laugh that could fill any room with immediate joy.

But the ache of loss, of empty arms, of a broken womb, of a waiting game, is so much more amplified on a day like Mother’s Day. And it’s hard to describe unless you’ve experienced it yourself. Not only is the day itself extremely hard, but things like social media and even church services really drive the pain home. Another twist of the knife, if you will.

While I’m beyond grateful to have Kai here with me for a second Mother’s Day, I’ve discovered that this day will always have a somewhat somber feel for me. In these days leading up to the holiday, my heart has felt so heavy for my friends and for others, because I know what they’ll experience. And because I once was them, I don’t believe I’ll ever really forget the pain that the day can bring.  I think this day will always serve as a reminder of how undeserving I really am; of both my son and my mom.

I wrote a Facebook post last year on Mother’s Day that came as a result of those heavy feelings. The words literally came to me as I was laying in bed the night before. They were words I wish someone would’ve said to me in those days of heartache, and I hope and pray they bring encouragement to anyone that reads them:

“I don’t pretend to understand why some things happen the way they do. Why some women have children in their arms today and some don’t. But I do know God’s heart. So when you read a post written by a mom and she writes how blessed she is, it doesn’t mean that God has overlooked you. If she writes that God is good because He answered her prayers for a child, it doesn’t mean your prayers have fallen on deaf ears. If she writes about her miracle pregnancy or miracle baby, it doesn’t mean God refused to perform a miracle on your behalf. It may just be a different miracle than the one you were praying for. If she writes how God healed her body so she could carry her baby, it doesn’t mean that He won’t heal you, too. But sometimes He heals the heart and not the body. If she writes how humbling it is that God entrusted her with her child, it doesn’t mean He thinks you aren’t trustworthy enough to be a mother. Please don’t listen to these lies today. Please know that you are seen and not forgotten. God is intimately acquainted with your grief and not one of your tears goes unnoticed.”

If you are someone who has your hands and heart full this Mother’s Day, I’m pretty sure you know someone who doesn’t. Check on them. And please FOR THE LOVE, don’t tell them “it’ll all work out” or give the generic “it’s all a part of God’s plan.” Just don’t. Let them hurt, let them be sad, let them have a bad day and give them an abundance of grace. Order them pizza. Pray for them and let them know. Be mindful of what you post on social media and the words you use to express your thankfulness and joy. Send flowers. The best thing someone ever did for me on Mother’s Day, the year we lost our baby, was give me a card signed by her and all of her five kids who my husband and I frequently babysat. The following year my sister brought me donuts. The year we were waiting on Kai, two sweet friends gave me a necklace and bracelet with Kai’s birth stone. Each one of those gestures meant so much to me, and I know that whoever you reach out to will greatly appreciate it.

If you are someone who relates in any way to what I’ve been writing about, please give yourself grace this Mother’s Day. If that means skipping the church service or staying off of social media, do it. Eat your favorite food or find a dog to cuddle (or a cat if you’re weird like that). Take a walk outside and talk to your Father who knows and understands all things; even if your feelings tell you otherwise. He keeps track of all your sorrows and has collected your tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8) and loves you with a love that’s simply indescribable. And please remember, you are not alone.

 

To the 1 in 8’s

You are not just a statistic and your identity is not found under the harsh category of “infertile.” It is not found in whether or not you have someone to tuck into bed at night. Please, don’t ever believe it to be. It is a lie that is hard to get out from under.

I remember the deep ache from the longing. The ache from emptiness. I remember the tears and how they stung worse than most. By all means, ache, grieve, and cry. There is nothing wrong with sadness and grief. But please, do not give up hope. Hope brings life.

I remember the comments. The ungraceful, ignorant words that cut you deep. Those words that suck the life out of you.  It’s so easy to get bitter and resentful towards those who don’t understand. But please, don’t let yourself. It will only end up hurting you worse in the end. People won’t always give you grace, but give them grace anyway. Grace helps heal the hurt.

I remember all the pregnancies. Everyone around you seems to be pregnant and having kids. I remember the conversations that I had no place in. The conversations that make you want to disappear. The mix of emotions as you hold your friends’ new baby in your arms, and then leave, alone. It’s easy to get wrapped up in your own sadness. But please, don’t ever stop celebrating a new life. Pain and joy can coincide if you let them.

I remember the loneliness. How it feels like no one understands what you are going through. It feels like God has answered everyone’s prayers but your own. It didn’t feel like He was even with me as I cried. But please, don’t trust your feelings and emotions. The Bible says the heart is deceitful. Trust what you know to be true in God’s Word.

I remember it all. And I am living proof that God can redeem it all. And now, I’m thankful for it all. You see, without everything I just mentioned, there wouldn’t be a little four year old boy fast asleep in the next room. Without infertility, without our loss, without all of that pain and heartache, the rude comments, the loneliness; I wouldn’t have this story of brokenness where I can look back and see God’s fingerprints throughout. By His grace I can look back to each specific heart-wrenching moment when I was collapsed in tears and almost visibly see my sweet Savior kneeling down, right there with me. He knew so much I didn’t know.

Friend, I don’t know where your infertility journey is going to take you. I don’t know how long or painful it will be. I don’t know the kind of loss you might suffer.  I don’t know if your child is waiting for you across the world, like mine was. But please, in the midst of your grief, rest in the One who does know, and rest in the knowledge that He is in the business of making beautiful things out of hard, painful things. Courage, dear heart. You are not alone.

 

 

One Year Home

It seems almost surreal to type the words “one year home.” On one hand, it feels like Kai has always been with us, and on the other hand, it feels like it was just yesterday that we walked him through our front door and into his new home. As I sit here typing this, I can still see him sitting at the kitchen table with my husband eating his first bowl of cereal that very first morning home. I can still see the smirk and wide-eyed glare he gave me as I snapped a picture with my phone. I can still feel that feeling of exhaustion and overwhelm.

Fast forward one year and it all feels normal. I cannot imagine it any other way. I can’t imagine him not at our table crunching on that cereal in the mornings. I can’t imagine not hearing him loudly wake up every morning as he begins to play with his toys. I can’t imagine our fridge fingerprint-free. I can’t imagine not having the toys covered in dirt on our front porch. I can’t imagine opening my drawer in the kitchen and not finding the candy that he’s hidden for me.

This past year, this transition, this adoption; has been so hard but so beautiful. It has been extremely ungraceful but so full of God’s grace. It has been exhausting but life-giving. It has brought grief but so much joy; many tears but even more laughter. It’s brought both confusion and clarity. It’s been filled with many mistakes but new mercies every morning. It has brought isolation from people but more closeness with our Savior. It has turned our world upside down; to right where it should be.

We’ve seen Kai change in such a way that is hard to put into words. We’ve watched him find his voice (literally and figuratively); we’ve seen his smile become genuine and heard his laughter grow louder and happen more and more frequently. We’ve watched as he began to feel safe and confident. We’ve watched him grow to love and trust family members, friends and teachers. We’ve excitedly watched as he sometimes begrudgingly learned to love our crazy dog. We’ve seen and felt his physical affection grow towards us. And most importantly, we’ve watched him learn about his Heavenly Father.

One year ago today, I stepped off a plane holding a little boy who didn’t want me; feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and nervous about the days to come. Today, I’m sitting on our porch watching our son play in the dirt, picking me flowers and calling me “mommy,” and feeling so incredibly thankful and undeserving.

He is ours, and we are his, and there’s no better place to be. Thank you, Jesus.

pc: Kaytlin Lane Photography

 

The Pro-Life Life

Unless you’ve completely buried your head in the sand (I don’t blame you if you have, so no judgement here) you’ve seen the headlines all over social media this past week about the horrific and nightmare-worthy abortion laws being passed. It’s tragic, troubling, and quite honestly depressing. You may have also seen posts or memes that say something like, “I wish all the pro-lifers would care as much about the kids in foster care as they do about abortion laws” or “101,719 children available for adoption in the U.S. and 156,966,977 people in the U.S. who claim to be pro-life” and phrases like that. If you’re anything like me, that may make you somewhat defensive. Or maybe make you want to prove them wrong. But…hear me out…what if there is some truth to those statements? What if we have been screaming “I AM PRO-LIFE!” on social media but then forgetting to live like we truly love and care for these babies, these mama’s, these children? Does your life say “pro-life,” or is it only your Facebook page? Does mine?

The Bible calls us to do more. To be more.

So where to start? I’ve made a list of some fairly simple suggestions. (I know adopting a kid isn’t simple but you catch my drift.)

1. Write or call your representatives. If you don’t feel like looking up who they are and how to contact them, I will do it for you. But, don’t stop there…
2. Volunteer and/or give to a local pregnancy center. These people do amazing work and they are always in need of volunteers and donations. Find one near you here.
3. Support an adoptive or foster family. I can guarantee you there is at least one of these types of families in your general vicinity. And by support, I’m not just talking about money (although money is pretty awesome). They will be grateful for any kind of support! You can trust me because I speak from experience. Did you know you can become a certified babysitter so you can babysit foster kids? Foster parents NEED date nights! Did you know there are special crowdfunding sites just for adoptive families and you can easily donate towards an adoption of your choosing? (Check out AdoptTogether )
4. ADOPT or become a foster parent yourself! My personal fave. Need some info? Perfect. Here ya go:

• • Domestic Adoption– typically an infant/newborn adoption where the adoptive parents are chosen by the birth parent(s). The average cost is $10,000-$15,000 and the average wait time can be anywhere from two to even seven years in some cases. There is an endless number of agencies to choose from. Check out Nightlight or Gladney Center for Adoption for a start!
  • Foster Care– there are several options in the foster care world. There are respite families, where you only care for children a few days at a time to give a foster family some rest. Then there are foster families who are placed with a child (or siblings) for various amounts of time and who can also potentially pursue adoption. Finally, there is adoption from foster care where you can be placed with a child whose parents’ have had their rights terminated. Most if not all costs are covered. If you would like some firsthand information on this (I am certainly no expert) I’d be happy to put you in touch with a foster parent or point you to a local agency.  This site has some great info.
  • International Adoption– typically children adopted internationally are ages 2 and up. While many countries are closed to international adoptions there are still many you can choose from. Countries that do allow their children to be internationally adopted each have their own set of guidelines for potential adoptive families. I cannot stress enough how important it is to choose a good adoption agency. The average cost is $20,000-$50,000 which is incredibly daunting but NOT a reason to say no. There are countless grants available, an endless array of fundraisers, and even special adoption loans, not to mention the adoption tax credit. I could obviously go on and on about international adoption because I may be slightly biased so I’ll stop here and leave you with a link to our agency, Holt International.

Friends, I truly believe that we can call abortion what it is while still reaching out in love to the mothers who have made this choice or feel like it is their only choice. We can make our voices heard and call our legislators. We can be strong in what we believe while being gentle with our words. We can give these children loving homes. We can support, we can give, we can encourage. We can live out the gospel and show a watching world what it truly means to be pro-life.

Will you join me?

“Whoever welcomes one child like this in My name welcomes Me. But whoever causes the downfall of one of these little ones who believe in Me- it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea! …See that you don’t look down on one of these little ones, because I tell you that in heaven their angels continually view the face of My Father in heaven.” Matthew 18:5-6,10

“Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…” James.1:27

“Can a woman forget her nursing child, or lack compassion for the child of her womb? Even if these forget, yet I will not forget you.” Isaiah 49:15

Choosing to Choose: A Declaration of Intentionality

If you know me well, you know that I have a difficult time making decisions. Choosing is the absolute worst. If I have too many choices, too many decisions, or there is too much chaos, I tend to shut down. I’d much prefer to pretend nothing at all is going on and to just shut out the world while I pretend I live in a peaceful bubble that I just dare you to pop.

What’s funny is that my name means peace and my enneagram type is called “The Peacemaker.” (Shout out to my number 9’s!) But so often the peace that I strive for is a selfish peace. I want a peaceful, predictable schedule. A peaceful home. Peaceful friends. Peaceful husband and kid. Good grief, I even give my dog treats that make him “peaceful.” But why? So I can try and not be as stressed? This means I’m striving for situational and conditional peace. It’s not real. It’ll be gone in a flash; with one tantrum, one argument, one change in my schedule, one bark at the neighbors dog. Vegging in front of the tv won’t help it stay, pretending there is no chaos in the world won’t make it stay, and creating a predictable schedule won’t bring it into existence.

I’ve never chosen a word for the year before. I don’t normally do resolutions. I actually could really care less about New Years Eve or New Years Day. But this year, albeit a little late (as usual), I’m CHOOSING to CHOOSE a word for 2019. I saw it listed for my personality type and it resonated with me so much, I decided to claim it. And yes, I’m completely aware of the irony of letting someone choose my word for me but I don’t care so here it is and you guessed it:

Choose.

It’s simple yet holds so much meaning in my heart and mind. Like I said, choosing is hard. I’d just rather…not. I’m not good at it. Maybe I never will be. But I’m purposing in my heart that this year I will strive to choose between what is good and what is best. To choose joy when I’m not feeling it. To choose to take my thoughts captive. To choose to be purposeful with my child and my husband. To choose to trust God’s grace as we continue our second adoption adventure. To choose not to shut the world out in the midst of chaos but to run to the Prince of Peace. To choose this peace over my situational and circumstantial peace.

This year, I’m choosing to choose. Want to join me?

“Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

 

Thailand Travel Tips: What Worked and What Didn’t

In the months leading up to our big trip to Thailand to bring our Kai guy home, I probably spent hours upon hours planning, stressing, researching and agonizing over packing lists, itineraries, hotel bookings, airline tickets and so forth. As if the stress of going to meet your first child and becoming a parent isn’t enough, tack on being in a foreign country for two weeks and you’ve got yourself a real doozy of a trip to figure out. (That sounds slightly negative so I’m thinking that maybe I still haven’t fully mentally recovered from our trip…) As I’ve written in a previous blog post, meeting our son was an amazing experience. But I always want to be honest in my writing so I’ll say it again: the trip was HARD. And I’m so thankful for the wisdom given to me by other adoptive mom’s who had experienced it before me. So I want to do my part in passing along some of this wisdom in hopes that it can help any of you waiting parents planning the big trip!

Hope you’re in a comfy seat because this is a long one.

What worked:

• Making lists and checking them twice. In the months leading up to our trip, any time I received some kind of advice or travel tip I thought was useful, I put it in a word document. And so my lists began. Clothes list, medicine list, toy list, food list…you name it and it had a list. For someone who gets easily overwhelmed when a lot is going on in the cerebral part of the body, lists were a lifesaver.
• Booking our hotels when we received tentative travel dates. We ended up traveling in a peak travel season for Thailand and the prices for hotels were rapidly rising and they were also quickly losing availability. We used sites like Expedia and Hotels.com to book rooms and paid extra for refundable bookings. It was so worth it! (Note: the hotel required by our agency, The Jasmine, has the cheapest rates on their own website.)
• Booking our airline tickets before we received confirmed travel dates. This move definitely stressed me out but we did wait until Holt told us they were about 98% sure our dates would stick. Rates were rising and seats available on our chosen airline, Korean Air, were filling up! We actually got some of the last seats left even though we booked before receiving confirmed dates. Shew!
• Using Adoption Airfare. If you’re anything like us and buying plane tickets for such a long trip intimidates you, Adoption Airfare will be your life saver! They are so easy to work with and at no extra cost. They give you so many options and help you figure out the best flights and layovers for you and your child on the return trip home, which is huge. The best part? They pray for their clients! How encouraging is that?
• Using Ms. Oh for transportation in Thailand. Ms. Oh was recommended by several other families and we are so glad we contacted her. We simply gave her our hotel names and addresses, how many of us there were, and what time we needed to be somewhere else. Her rates were great and the vans she sent were super comfy and nice. She can also get you discounts to different attractions and activities.
• Switching hotels. A lot of families debate whether or not this is a good choice. No, it was not fun packing up all of our suitcases multiple times. But we think that for us, it was worth it. Kai did not like the Jasmine Hotel and we had the most crying from him while we were there. The pool area wasn’t great and we just struggled with being right in the middle of Bangkok. So we got out of the Jasmine any chance we could! Kai was the happiest at the hotels that had the best pool area and play areas, and Matt and I were the most happy when he was happy, and when we could get really good food delivered right to our room. When Matt and I first arrived in Bangkok it was very late and we were completely exhausted. Thankfully we had booked a room at the Best Western that is right by the airport. We loved it and even got a free upgrade! Our room was great, the food was great, and it is a very relaxing environment and perfect for recovering from travel. We stayed there two nights before venturing into the middle of Bangkok. When we went to Hua Hin with Kai we stayed at the Anantasila. It was beautiful, right on the beach, and had great food! They also have many different type rooms to choose from. When we went to Pattaya the following weekend, we stayed at The Rabbit Resort. While we didn’t like the surrounding area (I mean, it’s Pattaya, so…) we loved the hotel. It is known for being very picturesque! The food was yummy and they have a special pool area just for kids that was Kai’s favorite. Last but not least, when we returned to Bangkok and were no longer required to stay at the Jasmine, we spent our very last night at The Grande Centre Point which ended up being Matt’s favorite hotel. For being in the middle of Bangkok it was great. Our room was HUGE and included a bedroom, huge bathroom, living room, kitchen, and most importantly had a washer AND dryer. It had a wonderful pool area and two different play rooms for kids! It’s definitely a winner.
• The Coffee Club. This little gem is located all over Bangkok and thankfully one was in walking (and delivery) distance from The Jasmine. It’s where Matt and I had our last “official date” before custody after the first day of meeting Kai and it was the perfect place to unwind and process the day together. The coffee is amazing, they have numerous food options that include Thai and western, and lots of desserts and pastries! It’s also just a really cool and relaxing atmosphere. They also delivered to our hotel which was perfect once we had Kai and didn’t want to venture out
• Packing cubes. This might be a “duh” to some of you, but believe it or not I had never heard of them before this! With all of the packing and unpacking we did, these were amazing to have and I’m so glad we made that investment. Do it.
•  A laundry line, a sound machine and an oil diffuser. These were maybe some of the best things we packed. All of our hotels but one had a washing machine in the room but no dryer. Having a line to dry our clothes on was super helpful. The sound machine helped all of us sleep and provided extra noise for Kai to stay asleep while Matt and I were still awake. The oil diffuser just made the room smell nice and you learn to appreciate small things like that on a trip like this.
• Duplo Legos and Play-Doh. These were about the only toys we brought that Kai was really interested in; besides some little cars. He carried it all around in one bag and would dump everything out and play with it all together.
• Setting a routine without too many activities. A fellow adoptive mom gave me this advice and I’m so happy she did. She told me that they had tried to keep their new son busy by venturing out for lots of activities all day and it ended up not being the best choice. While I totally get that it may work for some families, from our experience, the times we ventured out with Kai were some of the most stressful times of the trip and the times we had tantrums. What worked best for us was breakfast in the morning, lots of fun pool time, lunch, rest/nap time, more pool or play, dinner, bath, bed! We tried to stick to that as much as possible and the days we did were some of the best days.
• Vana Nava Water Jungle. This was the one and only activity where I don’t think we endured a tantrum and where Kai genuinely had fun and enjoyed himself. It is in Hua Hin and was not crowded at all the day we went. I think Kai could’ve lived in the wave pool the entire day as long as we kept the ice cream coming.
• The “secret” room at the Atlanta airport. I know this doesn’t apply to a lot of the people who will read this, but if you DO happen to have a layover in the Atlanta airport, go ahead and thank me now. I was super sick by the time we landed, Kai was falling apart for the 1000th time and I was seriously wanting to just rent a car and drive home. I’m convinced God sent an angel to see us and take us to a room that apparently they let families with children who have autism use. It’s right under the food court and right by some bathrooms. It has toys, a ball pit, big cushions to lay on, and most importantly, a door that closes and locks. It was literally a lifesaver and the biggest miracle and blessing of our trip.
• Having family at the airport waiting on us. I had read that it may not be good to have a celebration when you return home so your kid isn’t even more overwhelmed and stressed than they already are. But after the nightmare flights home, all I wanted was my own mom! And we figured that Kai would’ve been interacting with strangers the whole trip home so what’s a few more? So we made the decision to have our family members waiting for us and a friend with a video camera. And I’m so glad we did! They knew not to really interact with Kai and I really think it worked out fine this way. Matt and I got to see our families after a long and horrible trip home and Kai got to catch a first glimpse of the family members completely obsessed with him. Win-win.

What Didn’t Work:

• Stressing so much I made myself sick. Literally. The days we were in Thailand before we met Kai I had the sharpest pains in my stomach and could barely eat or do anything but lay on the bed. I didn’t realize how stressed I actually was, but boy did my body realize it. I know this is pretty unavoidable for some people, but I really wish I had just calmed down and been able to enjoy those days more.
• Packing nice clothes. lollll. I was convinced I would still like to look “cute” even after custody. Too bad I cared nothing about that when I was carrying around a 43 pound  kid in 100 degree weather and insane humidity. I lived in the athletic clothes I had packed and wished I had packed more!
• Not being better prepared for the foster family visit. In all fairness to myself, this would’ve been hard for us to really do because we had no idea we would end up spending most of the day sitting in a hot, humid community hospital with no food or water waiting for Kai to get his stitches aggressively yanked out. We had no idea that once we finally arrived to his foster home that they would serve us lots and lots of food that I was allergic to. I sat there attempting to eat some of it and have a conversation with his foster mom, through a translator, while Matt was freaking out in my ear about whether or not I felt like I was having an allergic reaction. We had no idea that Kai would act like he hated us all day and want nothing to do with us. We also had no idea that there would be almost twenty people sitting in a circle wanting to know all the reasons behind us not having biological children and then insisting we were wrong and wanting more detail about my lady parts. And finally, I had no idea that I would be so flustered and exhausted by the end of the visit that I would awkwardly give his foster mom a hug that she was clearly not about. If all this sounds a little comical, it’s because it is. And don’t get me wrong, that time with his foster family has such a special place in our hearts and we loved seeing that part of his life! BUT, I had not prepared myself that it might not go the way I had imagined. Learn from my mistakes, people!
• Anything and everything on the plane. Seriously. Kai didn’t want anything. He didn’t care. Don’t worry, our plane experience isn’t a common one. May the odds be ever in your favor.
• Having too many expectations. This is hard. How can you not have expectations? You’re meeting your child! But please take my advice and try not to. I had heard so many adoption stories before we left, and ours was completely unique. No child is the same and no trip is the same. The other family we traveled with had a completely different little boy who reacted to things totally different than Kai! Their foster family was different and their flights home were different. Your experience will be unique to YOU.

I know all of that wasn’t super specific but I hope it helps in one way or another! My final and best piece of advice I can give is this: be prepared and don’t compare. You are traveling to meet your beautiful, one-of-a-kind child and your trip is sure to be one-of-a-kind as well.

Please feel free to reach out to me with any questions! I’d love to help in any way; or even to just pray for you while you travel!

 

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Land of Smiles— Take Two!

Yep! We have officially started the process again for Thai kiddo number two! And we couldn’t be more excited. We are still in the very beginning stages (home study stage) and while I originally had every intention of NOT announcing our news until we were officially on the wait list or matched (which will be quite some time), a sweet, fellow-adoptive mom made me realize, why wait? 

Why was I so hesitant about sharing news I was so elated about? Was I scared of what people might think about us starting a second adoption so soon? Nervous about once again being transparent with our finances and admitting we can’t do this on our own? Doubting that we should announce so early on while most adoptive parents wait until later? Or worried that something freakish might happen and it all falls apart before it even really begins?

Maybe all of the above.

And then, all of a sudden it came to me. Those reasons aren’t good enough. All of the things I just mentioned are sin. Plain and simple. Worry, pride, doubt, comparison….all of it. Am I really going to let those nasty, ugly things steal my joy and stop me from sharing our journey with others? Let’s be real honest here. I’ve shared details about my ovary and fallopian tube but I’m going to let myself be too nervous to share that we have started the adoption process again? That just doesn’t make sense to me.

Why do we so often choose to let fear overshadow our joy in this day; this moment? Why do we wait to celebrate a life if we truly believe it begins at conception? (Note: I understand wanting privacy and that’s not what I’m talking about here.) Why do we compare, and choose not to share a blessing because we deem someone else’s blessing as bigger and better? Why do we pretend not to act excited over something simply because we don’t think others will share in our excitement? Why does so much of what we do depend on others’ opinions and not the One opinion that really matters?

So…here I am, announcing our second adoption journey at the very, very beginning. Yes, we will have to fundraise again (see the “Support Us” page!) and yes, I’m already asking for many, many prayers!  And YES, this will take a LONG time! The waitlist is exponentially longer than it was our first go around. But here we are, gearing up for the mountains of paperwork, psych exams, grant applications and anxiously awaiting every monthly Thailand program update. The craziness is starting once more and we are ecstatic.

…Thompson kid number two, consider yourself officially announced.

❤

Thankful for Three

We’ve now been home for four months! And we now have only one more month left with our three year old. He will turn four on August 24th! FOUR! If I put emojis on my blog, this would be where you would see a pitiful crying face. Maybe even two of them.

That all might sound a little dramatic, but you see, some days I feel a little jilted. Some days, I really don’t like the fact that we missed Kai’s first three and a half years of life. Some days it just doesn’t seem fair. And some days, it even seems unbearable. There is so much we have missed. I wish I could’ve held him as a newborn. I wish I could’ve watched his first clumsy step. I wish I could’ve heard his first word. I wish I could’ve watched him grow from a baby to the forty-two inch tall three year old he is today.

Other days, I realize that we dodged the worst part of potty training and I’m no longer sad. Just kidding. (Slightly.) But what I do actually realize is that his years in Thailand made him the little boy he is today. Our Kai guy. Those years, that wonderful country, and his sweet foster family are a part of him, and they should be. I understand that and am grateful for it. It is all a part of this adoption story. And I also realize that we had so many “firsts” with him. His first time eating pizza, his first time taking a bath in a full-size bathtub, his first time swimming and floating, his first time riding a ride and a go-kart, his first time seeing snow…the list goes on. And I’m thankful.

So, I will always treasure the five months that we have had with our three year old. I know that as he continues to get older he won’t think we are as funny as he does now. His insanely joyful laughter will have to be earned more intentionally. His nonsensical antics will start to make more sense. His cute, accented words will become clearer. His cuddles and never-ending physical affection will start to wane. He will slowly start to become more independent and not look for us to be nearby every second of the day. He very soon won’t fit in the seat of the buggy at the grocery store anymore. He just won’t stop growing.

Before you roll your eyes at me and my depressive state, yes, I do know that every age will hold something special. I get that, I do. But he was three when we first laid eyes on him. He was three when we first carried him and held his hand. He was three when we first wiped tears out of his eyes. He was three when he first slept in our house; in the room we made especially for him. He was three when he first heard that God created him and loves him. He was three when he first said “I love you.”

So, you see, the age of three will always hold the most special place in our hearts. And I’m holding on to this last month of three with everything I’ve got.

I’m so incredibly thankful for three.